There are no Butterflies in My Stomach.
...just popsicles on summer days.
Mood: Pensive?
Music: Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park ♫
Warning: Contains scenes of random thoughts[and you all know what happens when I have random thoughts]. Reader discretion is advised.
Read: http://corina90.deviantart.com/art/good-thing-we-re-fools-133028441
Not because it relates, just because.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not being emo. I actually am pretty happy except for being kinda sick. I just thought of butterflies in my stomach and I cringed.
May fine tune this and upload as a deviation. But I'd need some help on the fine-tuning bit.
I'll give you brownie points.
I never understood the expression "butterflies in one's stomach." Butterflies don't even make you feel lightheaded to begin with, and neither does love. If there were butterflies in my stomach, I would cry. I would cry because I would feel nauseous, and I would cry because there are poor innocent creatures dying inside me and what have they ever done to deserve that? I wouldn't feel lightheaded. I wouldn't feel good. I might feel nervous, but only because I can't carry a bucket around my school in case I throw up, and if you threw up butterflies it might make the national news.
I don't feel lightheaded when I care about someone. I feel lightheaded when I've only eaten a McDonald's apple pie for breakfast, and it's the middle of third period and I can't play my clarinet because I'll faint from exhaustion. I feel lightheaded when I do an insanely long run in gym class and I'm about to collapse because the pushups test is today and I'm too tired to hold myself up. I feel lightheaded in the mornings, when I first wake up and really need to go to the bathroom even though I'm thirsty and hungry and too dizzy to get out of bed(not to mention my morning breath).
When I care about someone, I feel happy. I feel like I could climb a mountain without breaking a sweat. Like I could swim across the Ocean. Like I have something more to wake up to in the morning. Like I've been running through miles and miles and miles in an empty sea of empty nothingness and finally come across something.
So what do we call it? I don't know what we call it. Call it weightless. Call it being on top of the world. Call it falling asleep after a long day and waking up in a meadow with unicorns and fairies that give you magical powers and wings and put the sun and rain together and tell you "stay here, we'll take care of you."
So long as you don't mention butterflies.Links
(I've never had to do this. Hm.)
http://brepic.blogspot.com/2009/11/those-fingers-in-your-tummbly.html
[/jessica]
14 Comments »
I like it, but there just seems to be a bit too much prose for my liking. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with prose writing, but the fact that there is a mix of that poetic element is really confusing me. Perhaps you should find a replacement for the constant "likes" and change it so it is either more or less than the other (regarding prose and poetry). Other than that, it was very creative and I liked it.
-pokes link at the top-
That author was kind of what I was going for (not that piece...um, check this one: http://corina90.deviantart.com/art/we-are-a-sunrise-143015229 But much less full of awesome.)
And yes, I use the word "like" all the time. And I fail. In the one paragraph near the end I was going for that(it was supposed to feel repetitive) but if it's anywhere else, it needs TO GO. NAO. Actually, do you think it would work if I changed it to "As if?"
-pokes self-
Now, JOO: out of 10? :)
I like it! It kind of mends with poetry and just a blog post. So I'd post it that way, too.
Aww, thank youuuu :)
-huggles all-
:3 I like it too!
~hugs back~
So I am now the bad one because I did what she said and gave constructive criticism? **Tear** Yeah, "as if" would work perfectly. I just felt that if you were going for the repetitiveness in one, it should be different in the others.
Meh, I liked the full repetition. But if you say "as if," would work, then I'll change it.
Alsooooo....I asked you all to rate out of ten and you're not the bad one :) I just forgot that huggles existed xD
-extra special huggle-
It was just a suggestion. If the repetition was what you were going for, then by all means, leave it the way it was!
**Huggles back** Okay. :)
Well, if I changed them all to As If, it would keep its repetitiveness and sound better.
So it's a win-win.
Not bad for a high school student.You know if you fixed up some of thr sentences and entered a potry conest you would have a pretty good chance at winning it. If I whhere you I would try it out and see what I could do. But there are alot of good plargrist out there. Why because they dont see the need to do there own work. But when you say a good wrighteris one and then they start to fight back. But if you keep on saying that they may never wright or talk to you again... but then again everyone is very different as you can see.Not everyone will see talent in a person... and some times if they do they wil work to destroy it in fear that it is better then theirs. But again that is only what I have seen, experinced, and have thought most of my life. On that note I slightly agree with this Ghazal character and now shall bid my farewells... By the way your blog does not look half as bad as some of the others I have seen...
poetry was spelted wrong in my name i beleive.
Aww, thank you <3 That means a lot to me.
And I uploaded this to deviantART under a Creative Commons license shortly after. I think I should change it to say it's authorized to be published on this blog though....smart me.
The information here is great. I will invite my friends here.
Thanks
good points and the details are more precise than somewhere else, thanks.
- Thomas